i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
