so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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