i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
