Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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