No, drunk sperm still make babies.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
