I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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