if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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