Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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