When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Randomize
