i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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