i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
