that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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