dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
