PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize