Your mouth is God's brothel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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