somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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