Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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