he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
