not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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