I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
