Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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