Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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