And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He passed out mid-signature
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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