I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
