Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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