I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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