i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
