i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize