Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's blow job season.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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