Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
