I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
