watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
