I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
