You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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