she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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