Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
