Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
