I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
