do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
