Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
