so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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