If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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