I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize