had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
