So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
