Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
