Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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