med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
