I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
