omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
