I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
