Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
