I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is the high leading the old right now
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
