my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
