her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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