dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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