I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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