so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
