Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
tell me about the eggs
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