Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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