You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So apparently I’m into choking now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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