I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize