I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
